After being in the EDM scene for a few years I finally attended my first Decadence Arizona at 21 years old, I had no idea that this festival would become such a significant part of my life. Back then, I was fresh-faced, wide-eyed, and just starting to figure out who I was. Struggling with depression and anxiety, the only escape I found was the dance floor. I had found the EDM community just a few short years earlier.
Attending Decadence, with its pulsating beats, dazzling lights, and welcoming energy, felt like a rite of passage—a gateway into adulthood. Ten years later, I’ve built an entire life, faced challenges I never anticipated, and returned to Decadence nine times. Each year, it has been a marker of growth, resilience, and joy—a constant in a world that never stops changing.
The Early Days of Decadence
My first Decadence in 2015 was magical. At 21, everything about the festival was larger-than-life: the glittering stages, the electrifying energy of the crowd, and the feeling of complete freedom. I remember dancing for hours to sets by artists I had only dreamed of seeing live. I vividly remember the truly overwhelming feeling of joy seeing Above and Beyond for the first time ever. I made a vow to myself that weekend that I would seek out more experiences that give me that same feeling.
It wasn’t just about the music; it was about discovering myself. For the first time, I felt like I belonged to something bigger than myself—a community of people united by a shared love for electronic music. There was no rule book, no rejection, and nothing but discovery to be had!
Returning to Decadence the following year marked an important moment in my life as this was my first new years celebrating with my now husband. We had met at a Valentine’s Day rave earlier that year and had hit so many festivals together. Going into a new year together felt momentous! There was something calming about experiencing our first annual milestone together. Celebrating together felt natural and like life was clicking into place
In those early years, Decadence was all about living in the moment. I was carefree, soaking in every drop of excitement without worrying about the future. Little did I know, this festival would become an annual tradition that would grow and evolve alongside me.
Building a Life Between Festivals
As the years passed, my life began to take shape in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I was 21. I got married, became a parent, and started a career that actually aligned with my passions. Between each Decadence, I experienced milestones, setbacks, and triumphs. Each New Year’s Eve, as the clock struck midnight, I reflected on how far I had come since the last. Decadence became more than just a music festival—it became a time capsule of my growth. Every year, I walked into those welcoming tents as a slightly different version of myself, shaped by the experiences of the previous year. I would always leave with a clean slate and renewed excitement for the fresh year!
2015, 2016, and 2017 are like sparkling little gems in my memories! Unfortunately, Decadence AZ 2018 is quite possibly the worst festival experience I have ever had. You’ll notice there is no picture from 2018 and that’s why. I won’t spend much time divulging the details but the RB Team definitely bit off too much that year and the attendees paid the cost. To summarize, I was almost crushed trying to get into Skrillex’s set and did not return for day 2 of the festival. I spent my New Years Eve soaking in the bathtub, safe and sound. At the time, I didn’t think I would ever return to another Decadence in my future.
In early 2019, I was endlessly fortunate to have stumbled upon an opportunity to write for a small publication, Fresh Music Freaks! Following the abysmal experience at my most recent Decadence, I was ready to share my first hand experiences.
Navigating Disability and Adapting Festie Life
My entire life, I had struggled with pain, easy joint dislocations, and a myriad of other physical issues. The first portion of my festival life, I had just assumed everyone else around me was also in near constant pain trying to keep up! I was certain everyone else took a solid week or two to bounce back from a 2 day festival. Lo and behold, that was not normal. In early 2017 I had to leave my parking attendant job as a result of continuous and increasing health issues. It took another 2 to 3 years for me to get the ultimate diagnosis of Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS).
Attending Decadence and other large festivals wasn’t as simple as it used to be. The physical demands of a large scale event—standing for hours, navigating crowds, enduring sensory overload—became significant challenges. But I wasn’t ready to give up on something that had brought me so much joy.
With the proper diagnoses, I realized I was a disabled raver and finally allowed myself to slow down and no longer push myself to keep up. Instead, I adapted. I learned to pace myself, prioritize accessibility, and embrace a new way of experiencing the festival. Decadence taught me that even in the face of adversity, I could still find moments of magic. It wasn’t always easy, but every time I made it through another year, I felt a profound sense of accomplishment.
Unmasking in the EDM Space
Another insanely pivotal discovery that knocked me on my ass was being diagnosed as autistic when I was 28. This piece of information rocked my world in the best and worst way possible. The EDM community has been one of the few spaces where I’ve felt free to unmask. There’s something about the energy of a festival—the acceptance, the creativity, the shared love of music—that allows me to be my authentic self. Retrospectively, I’ve come to realize that the sense of relief and safety I experienced at EDM events was actually unmasking. The EDM community values individuality and celebrates neurodiversity, which has made it a sanctuary for me.
Decadence at 31
This year’s Decadence felt different. At 31, I’m no longer the wide-eyed 21-year-old I once was. My priorities have shifted, my approach to life on and off the dance floor has completely changed, but the magic remains. I spent this year’s festival reflecting on everything Decadence and this community has given me—a sense of belonging, unforgettable memories, and a reminder of my resilience. It’s been a decade of growth, not just as a raver but as a person.
Looking back, Decadence has been so much more than a music festival for me. It’s been a marker of progress, a space for self-expression, and a celebration of everything I’ve overcome. As I look toward the future, I know that my journey with Decadence isn’t over. It will continue to be a source of joy, inspiration, and connection—a reminder that no matter how much life changes, the music, the dance floor, and the community will always be there.
You can find me on Instagram and Tiktok using @Audiotism_Tanya on both platforms! I hope we meet on the dance floor someday!
